God's blessing

We went to the doctor today to get the results of my last PET/CT scan and the news was very good: I can take some time off of chemo. I still need to go back every 4 or 5 weeks for a check, but for the near future at least, no more chemo. Penny put together the following which I can't top:

"My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest." (Deuteronomy 33:14) We are celebrating today God's presence with us over these last 5-1/2 months and the rest (peace) He has provided during the treatments. Now Chuck can enjoy some rest from the all chemo medication and treatments for awhile. He's so happy about that. The recent scans showed a slight improvement over the last scans, but the major work on the cancer occurred during the first cycle of treatments. He responded very well. The doctor would like for Chuck to take a break, hopefully a long one, and to check in every 4-6 weeks to keep tabs on his condition. Chuck feels good and is looking forward to feeling back to normal soon. We praise and thank God who is faithful to His promises to care for His children in every detail of their need. We are so thankful to belong to Him and experience His love. Again, thank you for your prayers and loving support. Penny

Another zap...

Well yesterday's chemo was pretty uneventful. I felt a little tired and woozy afterward and went home and layed around in the recliner and bed, but this morning I was feeling ok. After the work day I am tired but not much more than usual. It doesn't usually kick in until the 2nd day after so tomorrow I expect to spend a lot more time napping.

I found the following in one of Penny's catalogs that came on the weekend:

What Cancer Cannot Do

Cancer is so limited...

It cannot cripple love
It cannot shatter hope
It cannot corrode faith
It cannot destroy peace
It cannot kill friendship
It cannot suppress memories
It cannot silence courage
It cannot invade the soul
It cannot steal eternal life
It cannot conquer the spirit.

Next step is a PET/CT scan in a couple of weeks, then a Dr. appt. to find out the results.

Thanks for all the prayers--keep it up.

Same old....

For those three of you still watching the blog, I had a Dr. appointment today and everything looks fine. Blood levels are almost normal and everything else is doing fine. I still get a little tired at the end of the work day--but, hey, it's work right? Next time I get zapped is Oct. 14, so there won't be much to report until then.

It has been great the way the Lord has carried us through this so far, and we appreciate all the prayer support and well wishes we have gotten from so many of you.

The Future?

As we said in the last blog, we had some time with the Dr. today and got to ask a lot of questions. He got even by okaying my chemo today, but did decrease the dose by 25%. This should help with the effect on my white cells. My white cell count is still low but in line with previous tests.

After questioning the Dr. about how much of the cancer is killed by the chemo as determined by the CT and PET scans, how one can use that to predict the amount left in the body after 6 cycles (I just got cycle 5), and how fast the cancer cells grow, I got many facts that boil down to: "it depends".

The effect of the chemo on the tumor is not linear, being more effective in the first few cycles and less effective as time and usage go on. (A demonstration of the well known natural selection principle). An attempt to counter this is why I have three different kinds of chemo treatments. Also, the growth rate of esophogeal cancer can vary from 30 day to 120 day doubling rate. The Dr. was very clear that because of the non-linearities and the varied growth rate, even in the same patient, it is difficult to predict the future course of the disease.

All that said, the fact of my engineering background and present occupation as statistician make it almost impossible for me to avoid making some kind of estimate, even one with wide limits. So I read over the CT and PET scan reports, took into account the non-linear nature of the process and the wide limits on the growth rate and (leaving out the numbers for all those bored by such things) my prediction is that I MAY be able to take a 3 to 6 month time out from chemo after cycle 6, depending on the results of the next scan. Funny that this is exactly what the Dr. said about 2 visits ago. I like it when the math works out like that.

Our next chemo is scheduled at four weeks from today, Oct. 14th.

Spiritual status: Through adversity God has been teaching us a lot about His nature and how He thinks about us: you get a lot more serious about faith in times like this. And we have taken solace in the fact of God's great love for us and His sovereignty. Because of that we are convinced that our situation has been tailor-made to fit our particular lives at this particular time. We see this in His timing of every detail along the way, in how He has prepared us, in His provision of help from family and friends and prayer partners, in financial provision, and in encouragement through scriptures, sermons, books and radio programs. In all of those ways He has uniquely designed and fine-tuned this experience for His glory and our good. We marvel that even a few years ago we doubt we could have withstood this experience, and we are so glad we can now put our trust in Him and the unique hope He provides.

One of the breakthrough threads Penny and I discussed today started with Rom 8:28 (And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose) went on to the assurance of what "good" means (Rom 8:29 ...to be conformed to the likeness of his Son) and ended with the really neat thought of how God views us as "in Christ". Since we are in Christ, when God acts to glorify Himself, He cannot help but act for our good. The promise therefore is one of assurance that whatever happens to us, it will end in God's glory and our betterment--those two are inextricably combined by our position in Christ

What Now?

I would expect that most people have stopped looking at this blog by now, since I have gotten so lax in updating it. In a way, that is a good thing. My health has improved so much, there just doesn't seem to be much to say anymore. At least up 'til yesterday. I went in for my chemo and when they did the blood test my white cell count was too low. They put it off for a week to give my body more time to recover. Once the white cell count is back up we will go ahead as before. The only thing I have to do differently is to be careful of bacteria for a few days.

I told the Dr. he was really screwing up my schedule, but he claimed that screwing up schedules was his specialty. The chemo effect on my body apparently builds up over time and this kind of thing is not really unexpected--or at least it was not unexpected to the Dr. I will make sure to post next week when we find out whether we have the chemo treatment.

Although this looks like it is messing up my schedule, the Lord has the schedule all planned out so we are not really concerned. Penny and I constantly marvel at how the Lord has carried us through this trial so far. We have been upheld in prayer from friends, relatives and Samaritan Ministries partners from all over the country, and many have written with uplifting cards and letters. We have had wonderful care from doctors and nurses. I have had minimal bad effects from the chemo and it has worked to reduce the cancer and get me feeling better. I wonder if continued chemo treatments could keep the cancer at bay for years. Our medical bills have all been taken care of. Although we have been in a trial, we have felt so close to the Lord that we are not emotionally downcast, in fact we have felt closer to the Lord and each other than at any time in our marriage. How much more could He do? Ah, I suppose we could see complete healing, but even if that is not His will we have been geatly blessed at going through this experience. We have truly been blessed to have you along with us on this journey. Thanks for your prayers and love.

Heigh Ho, Heigh Ho,

It's back to work we go. I was feeling so well after the last Dr. visit that we made the decision to go back to work. Anyway, I worked Monday and Tuesday, got right back into the fray with a couple of items, and was definitely tired at the end of the day. Who would have thought a month ago that I'd be back to work so soon--an unexpected blessing arranged by God.

Something I had not mentioned as an outcome of the Dr. visit was that I got a port installed so that chemo treatments are easier. The port is a gadget that is surgically implanted just below the collar bone and has a tube that is inserted into a major vein. This morning (Wed) I had the first chemo through the port. It was a lot easier in respect to having an easy stick and no pain in the arm. My head is still kind of woozy, so if this post makes little sense, that is the reason: "blogging under the influence".

There were only a few people getting chemo, but we struck up a conversation with a Christian lady sitting next to me. It turned out to be an encouragement both medically and spiritually. She has been undergoing chemo off and on for four years for colon cancer. Early in her journey, she had been offered a complex surgery at Vanderbilt, but after much prayer and thinking about it, turned it down. After that, her oncologist came up with a different chemotherapy that has worked very well for her. It was clear that she was dependent on what God was telling her and it was the right thing to do. She seems to have done fine without the surgery. A good encouragement to us.

I am back to work today (Thurs) so a good nights sleep helped a lot. The woozy stuff was written yesterday.

We got a pointer to an excellent short article for Christians with cancer:
http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/TasteAndSee/ByDate/2006/1776_Dont_Waste_Your_Cancer/
It is aimed at those in my situation and points to God's sovereignty as the only real thing on which to hang our faith. If you think about it, how could you really trust Him unless He was not only loving, but also totally omnipotent. How could you really trust Him unless you could be assured that He does everything for His glory AND our good, and is so wise that neither of those takes precedence, but that they are always perfectly entwined. God can be completely trusted with the lives of His people.

Thanks for all your prayers. Keep it up, we can feel the results daily.

All The News

As promised, here is an update after we visited the Dr. this morning to get the PET and CT scan results. Here are the Medical results:

Considering that less than half of esophogeal cancer patients make it past a year from their initial diagnosis, my results sound really great. The size of the esophogeal growth has been reduced to only a slight thickening of the esophogeal wall. One of the most swollen lymph nodes in my abdomen went from 2.9 by about 2 cm down to 2.5 by .6 cm. The PET values are in something called SUV (standard uptake value). The main cancer mass went from SUV 8.0 down to 3.1. Usually a value above about 2 or 2.5 is cause for concern when cancer is not known; but SUV numbers vary by location of the lab and how exactly the test is done. The main thing here is a marked reduction in both the size and the SUV intensity.

Based on the above results we will continue to have IV chemo treatments on a three week cycle for 3 more cycles, in addition to the oral chemo drug I take daily. Another PET will be scheduled following that, then a decision will be made on taking some time off from the chemo. The scheduling of chemo depends both on how well I tolerate the drugs and how much effect they have on the cancer.

Unfortunately, chemo is not a "cure". No matter how many times you kill the cancer cells chemically, a few billion of the original trillions of cells will survive each cycle. Similarly to the way bacteria develop immunity to antibiotics, the cancer will develop an immunity to the chemo. So it will eventually come back and not be affected by the chemotherapy we are using now. The Dr. was very reluctant to predict anything based on the results so far, though he did say it may take the cancer a year or more to start to develop this immunity.

That is the medical news. Here is the spiritual:

We are thrilled that God has seen fit to carry us along as he has. The improvements discussed above are the results of not just good medicine, but of so many of you praying for us. We know that whatever the Dr. says, God can do whatever He wants. He knows full well my condition and can deal with it and me as His purposes require. If He wants to remove the cancer from my body He can do that, or if He wants to let it run its course as I described He will do that. Whatever His will, we trust in Him to lead us and care for us, which He has so abundantly proven He will do by what has happened thus far. We are in His hands and that is the safest and best place to be.

Back Home

We had a wonderful time in SD with the grandchildren, daughter and son-in-law. Playing with the kids was great fun and even the baby, Wyatt, who is six months seems to smile practically all the time. Plus we had a great time visiting with Carol and Avery. (The trip was via Skymiles, so essentially free.)

My health was great during the visit and now. I get tired easily, but that is as much due to inactivity and muscle atrophy as it is chemo. It seems I am getting stronger instead of weaker as time goes on and after three chemo treatments. I don't need an afternoon nap most days anymore. This seems to be the opposite of what we expected from the chemo.

Yesterday, Friday, we had PET and CT scans to see how the treatment is progressing, and we get the results on Tuesday. Thank you for your prayers. They have made all the difference in how well I'm doing.

Another blessing this week was that a large medical bill was totally written off because we do not have regular insurance. We have had no problems financially.

Praise the Lord for all His help on taking care of expenses, physical and medical needs, and for always being with us in a tangible way as we have journeyed this far.

Thanks for all your continued prayers. We know and can see the effects of them.

Prayer and circumstances

I got my Zap (chemo) last Tuesday and was kind of wiped out. Too lazy to get up and retrieve my book, I read the mail sitting nearby with more than the usual thoroughness. Even one of my wife's catalogs in which I found a plaque with the following:

"A soldier's prayer" from the US Civil War days.

"I asked God for strength, that I might achieve,
"I was made weak, that I might learn humbly to obey.
"I asked for health, that I might do greater things,
"I was given infirmity, that I might do better things.
"I asked for riches, that I might be happy,
"I was given poverty, that I might be wise.
"I asked for power, that I might have the praise of men,
"I was given weakness, that I might feel the need of God.
"I asked for all things, that I might enjoy life,
"I was given life, that I might enjoy all things.
"I got nothing I asked for --
"but everything I had hoped for.
"Almost, in spite of myself, my unspoken prayers were answered.
"I am, among all men, most richly blessed."

This I found thought provoking. Then I got my book and opened to the next chapter, which was about prayer and praying rightly. It gave the main reasons for problems in our prayer life: not really knowing ourselves, knowing our situation, knowing what we really want; and not really knowing God as He is revealed in the Bible. Three remedies come to mind: first, making time for some introspection, something I am not naturally inclined toward; really spending enough time with God in the Bible, listening prayer and meditation on His word; and realizing the fact that the Holy Spirit will help with our prayers when we leave it to Him ("We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express." Rom 8:26)

Wednesday we will be leaving for a week in South Dakota with our daughter, son-in-law and grandkids. (My challenge is to survive a week with boistrous youngsters--which will be a pleasure I'm sure.) Back in April, when we made arrangements to go I was frustrated that I could not get a sooner flight (using Skymiles) than the end of July: in fact the time I wanted was right after I came home from the hospital and would not have been able to travel. God knew ahead of time that it would not be until the end of July when I would feel my best. He arranged the trip between chemo treatments knowing ahead of time when they would be scheduled. Isn't God great to work that out for me before I even knew I needed it?

Thanks for your continuing prayers.

Zap 3

Yesterday I had started a more ambitious post but found I couldn't think straight enough to make it come together so I will just give the facts and get back to the other as I can think better.

I got Zap 3 (chemo cycle 3) on Tuesday which went ok. There was some pain in the arm where it went in as in the past. The cold sensitivity is back and had a little nausea last night. Combined with the ongoing insomnia that I have had from the pain meds withdrawal, it was a long night. I am feeling better today, though tired.

Going into the chemo I had the best blood test results since we started, so that is really encouraging. Maybe I will get over the chemo effects quickly.

I have gotten this interview with Tony Snow from two sources. I recommend it highly: www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2007/july/25.30.html?start=1

Thanks for your prayers. I will up date again soon.

What's Happening

Not sure the last post was all that clear on the Medical front so here it is again: When I went in the hospital I had moderate to severe abdominal pain and swallowing was often painful. Now, after two chemo treatments, I have very little abdominal pain and no trouble swallowing at all. I am off of anti-nausea and narcotic pain meds (but suffering a little withdrawal symptoms). I do use a naproxen (Aleve) once in awhile for pain but it is almost unneeded. The Dr. thought that all sounded very good.

The schedule for further treatments is: Jul 22 chemo, Aug 8 PET scan to see progress, Aug 12 Dr. consultation to get prognosis, Aug 12 Chemo, plus 2 more Chemo treatments at 3 week intervals. This schedule is the best case scenario, and all depends on what the PET scan shows.

Home front: My son and his wife came over from Greensboro Mon/Tues and worked on my utility room project we had started then not been able to finish since I got sick. They had already hung cabinets, and this time they put in a new floor and the trim. There is only a utility sink to set and it will be done. It looks great, and we are so thankful for their help.

Personal: My habit is to spend some time in the Bible, prayer, and meditation with hymns each morning. Often this leads to an entry in my journal and this morning I reviewed some of my past entries. The last entry before I got sick was on Psalm 25:14 "The Lord confides in those who fear Him." And I wrote: "He will tell me His plan for me." I guess He has, and is continuing to tell me. I don't yet know how it will all work out, but I am trusting Him because His plans are perfect.

Thanks for your prayers.

New news

I was gently chastised Sunday for not posting so will attempt to bring you up to date with what is going on.

Medical progress: I recovered much quicker from the last Zap and feel 'good' most days, though I need a nap most days too. Tiredness sets in quickly if I work around the house, and that too varies from day to day. The hair stopped falling out, so it is a bit thinner, but still there so I didn't get a buzz cut as I had threatened. The best news is on meds. I stopped taking the anti-nausea pills and that went fine, now I have cut back on pain meds and feel pretty good. I just took a naproxen yesterday instead of my prescription pain med and it is fine. The fact that I can do with just that, plus the fact that I can swallow easily and eat most anything I like makes us think the chemo has been doing some major work. This morning the Dr. agreed and scheduled a follow up test for Aug 8 after my third Chemo cycle. When I entered the hospital I had severe abdominal pain, and had trouble swallowing most days so we are much improved on those scores. Praise God.

Yesterday I wrote but did not post:
Friends reported Sunday that their daughter Lisa was facing a battle with cancer. She is a young mother with a new baby--a situation so unlike mine that the fact it is cancer is the only commonality. We sometimes agonize over how to pray to a sovereign God in such situations: on the one hand we know he is working out His plan, not our. On the other hand, cancer is such an evil thing. I feel we must pray boldly: He is not above listening to us and doing what we ask. Read over the interchange between Abraham and God on God's plan to destroy Sodom (Gen 18:20-33) and see if God won't change His plan for us. With six requests Abraham bargained with God over how many righteous people in Sodom would be enough to save the city. He bargained God down from 50 to 10 righteous people, but God did not find even 10. Why did Abraham stop at 10? One more request from 10 down to 5 may have saved Sodom (though I can't imagine that as a good thing). So let us follow Abraham's example with our prayers and pray boldly for Lisa and her family.


Today we find the tumor is benign after all. Does this constitute answer to prayers such as the above? I certainly believe so.

Sunday we had a most excellent sermon on taking dominion where ever God has placed us. One of the points was illustrated with an excerpt from Richard Dawkins, one of the four "New Atheists" who have gotten a lot of press in the last few years. I was familiar with Dawkins and the others from various readings and a book I just finished (Beyond Opinion by Zacharis). Their two tenets seem to be: 1. there is no God, and 2. I hate Him. Their argument, when they try to make one, though judging from another of the four whose book I did read, Christopher Hitchens, usually they just rant, goes like this:
1. There is evil in the world
2. If there were a good God, He would deal with it.
3. Nothing has been done.
4. Therefore there is no God.
This argument makes a big leap at number 3. We Christians would argue that He has dealt with it in the only effective way so the argument fails. The press, being mostly non-Christian, lets that go by and still gives these people lots of publicity.

The one of the four I have read, Hitchens, has a book called "god is not great". As I said, it is more rant than reasoned argument, somewhat because that is Hitchens' style, but also because well thought out logical arguments fail for reasons like the above. I wrote a review on his book, but it is too long to post: if you want it, I will email to those who request or find some other way to post. Hitchens took part in a debate last week at a libertarian conference. His opponent was Dinesh D'Souza author of "What's So Great About Christianity?" and the debate was at Freedom Fest in Las Vegas. Judging by the way Freedom Fest is billed, I doubt there were many Christians, but D'Souza 'won' by a show of hands. Complete report here: http://www.worldnetdaily.com/index.php?fa=PAGE.view&pageId=69456

Thanks for your prayers.

Progress

Thought I'd best let you all know how I am doing since it has been a few days since the Zap.

It leaves me really wiped out for a few days, and I slowly get better, especially in the afternoons. (With time for an afternoon nap.)

I have been reading the Psalms the last few days, leaving off with Psalm 24 this morning. It is neat how much I can identify with David--he was feeling as though he was totally lost on his own and threw himself on the Lord for safety. Most of those Psalms end by showing how safe he felt based on the Lord's care. I am in somewhat the same situation: without Him I would be feeling lost and with Him I feel perfectly safe. No matter what happens with the cancer, my future is decided by what God has determined is best.

Got a card today with James Brown yelling/singing out "I feel fine!!!!" from an embedded circuit. Shocked me into a good laugh and I must admit 'I feel fine' right at the moment. Penny just brought in a bouquet from a neighbor too. I do feel loved.

The lack of any many interesting things to do, and I really can't get out to do them if available, is leading to a certain amount of boredom. I am reading a good book called "Three Cups of Tea" that I recommend and have several more when that's done, but there is only so much reading and dozing and solitaire you can do. I am going to make a concerted effort to get more exercise so I have enough energy to get outside more. It is pouring rain right now, but it would be nice to get out and piddle around the garage and do some minor fixing. So that is my goal for next week.

Thanks again for all your prayers.

Zap II

Got my second chemo IV this morning and it went better than the first one. My arm does not hurt like the first time and so far no nausea. For those who have been through this a lot, I may seem to be going over minutia but it is all new to me. The cold sensitivity is back which I proved by trying to wash my hands a little while ago. Some other strange sensitivity to strong muscle contractions occurs in my face. All this is the same and went away the other time in a week to 10 days.

I have had a bit of dizziness since Friday which is kind of inconvenient. It is not enough to stop me from doing things, just gives me a start when I move my head quickly. I have cut back on my pain meds and that seems to have helped some. We will wait some more then try cutting the pain med completely for awhile and see if the dizziness goes away.

A friend from Sunday School came by to visit while I was getting my chemo. What a nice touch. As we got better acquainted we found we had a lot in common including the Air Force prior to college and similar career choices. It gave me a welcome time to talk rather than just read or nap as most in the cancer center were doing.

Found out on Sunday that I am losing my hair after all. It comes out in bunches when I shampoo. Probably will get a buzz soon so it is not all over bedding, etc. Moustache and body hair is intact so far.

Thanks again for all your prayers.

Coping

We have had so many people praying for us and expressing their support it is very uplifting to hear all of that. Ultimately, our ability to cope with the situation is from God Himself. When we look at things from His standpoint it clarifies the whole situation. First we see that we are not really the center of His universe: it is not about us but Him. Reading the first 2 chapters of Job helps lots. We see there that any adversity that Satan does to us is first okayed by God. We see that it is really about God's glory, not Job's questions. Job keeps asking 'why?' but the only answer he receives is 'Who'. That is, he is shown that God made us and He has the right to do as He wants with His creation. Our challenge is to accept that fact and trust God to do the right thing.

We can trust Him to do the right thing because other scripture reveals that God's purpose is to 1. magnify His own glory and 2. do what is best for us. We often do not agree with Him on what is best for us because we see things from our own limited viewpoint. The way we can come around to trusting Him is through reading much other scripture. Lately, I have been reading a book given to me by a friend from Sunday School: 'Trusting God' by Jerry Bridges which has been very helpful in clarifying some of these trust issues. However, my decision to trust God was settled before I ever saw that book based on my own reading and study of scripture.

There are just a few essential elements to this trust, proofs of which span the Bible:
1. God is there, He made us and everything else, and is all powerful.
2. God loves me so much He would rather die than go on living without me.
3. God is involved in putting down a rebellion among His creation lead by Satan.
4. I am involved in fighting this rebellion as I trust and obey Him.
5. I am also a prize to be fought for in this struggle--and God wants me with Him.
6. Having put my trust in Him, which is evidenced by my obedience, I can be assured of living with Him forever.

Based on these elements, WHATEVER happens to me I can be sure it is for His glory and for my ultimate good. Some of the things that happen to me may be very unpleasant but I can be sure that they are useful to Him in the ultimate struggle of good vs. evil even if I cannot, with my limited view see how. Based on points 4 and 5 above, I can also be assured that my adversity is meaningful, not trivial, so I can endure it with the assurance that it is really necessary.

If anyone would like, I will post specific references for the 6 points of faith I made.

Some Like it Cold

Do you like ice cream? Yeah, me too.

I gladly missed out on having my hair fall out (most of it is already gone anyway), and the nausea has been very tolerable thanks to good drugs; but one thing I did catch was the 'cold sensitivity' side effect. What this means is that cold causes a feeling like pins and needles in parts exposed to cold. Running cold water over your hand makes it feel the way it does when you bang your 'funny bone'. This is not a big deal on your hands--you adapt pretty quickly, but when you take a big swig of iced tea, and that pins and needles feeling is in your throat, you react pretty quickly and violently. And you REALLY don't want to do that again!

Happily, this wears off over time and I am back to eating ice cream and quaffing cold drinks again. WOW, bring on the ice cream.

Bills

There are a lot of bills associated with getting this sick, as you can imagine. We recently did the 'get the bills together and send them off' thing, but with a difference.

Most people have a health insurance company, and they either have the doctor/hospital bill the insurance company directly, or all they have to do is send the bill they get to the company and it somehow magically gets taken care of; well, except for some that come back to you as expense that is not covered by your particular policy. How many come back like that is a function of how 'good' your policy is. But in our case, we are one of those millions of people that you hear about in the news who do not have health insurance.

Unlike many of those millions we chose the situation we are in very deliberately: we are part of an association of Christians who have banded together for the purpose of sharing our medical expenses. We agree to share a fixed amount each month with others in the group who have medical expenses that month. If there are more expenses than member share amounts available for the month, expenses are prorated. If less, then some members who may still have outstanding bills from previous months receive more help. This means we are individually responsible to pay our own bills, and when our need is published to the members we receive a number of checks from members to help us pay our medical bills. The checks are often accompanied with get well cards and promises to pray for us.

Although we have sent plenty of checks and get well cards out, we have only experienced the process from the helping side. Now we will get to see the other end: how needs are met. In the first place, we have pointed out to hospitals and doctors that we are not insured although we do belong to Samaritan Ministry, and many have graciously given us large discounts to help us meet our commitments. We only submitted our first list of bills last Wednesday, so we have not been through the whole process yet--but we can't wait to see how it all works from the needs end as the checks start coming in.

For anyone interested, Samaritan Ministries is at www.samaritanministries.org. It is one of at least three such organizations run by Christians for sharing medical expenses without insurance. Kind of reminds me of the early settlers getting together to rebuild a neighbor's barn that had burned down. There is a satisfaction that comes from sending off a check directly to someone who needs it to pay a bill, and I am looking forward to a sense of thankfulness toward those who help me, as well as the Lord for making it possible.

Atlastapost

I have been somewhat somnolent the past few days and let this go too long. Sorry.

We went to see the Dr. today and got some good news: my blood work came out looking very good in spite of having the Chemo. Some other complaints are minor and easily handled and some of my concerns re pain can be addressed the next time I have an IV treatment.

We even talked a little about test/measurement issues (kind of like work). My daughter had asked if they tested the chemotherapy drug on a biopsy to see if it actually worked. It turns out that this has been done off and on over the past 10 years or so, with mixed results. The problem is one of transference: that is, testing in a petri dish environment does not necessarily transfer to treatment in a Chuck's guts environment. The results for the Cancer Dr. is that there has been poor correlation between test and treatment results, and when you consider that the test is very expensive, it seems more prudent to treat immediately with the best known treatment. At QP we always tried to test in the real world to avoid this kind of a problem.

It seem we will be able to meet some friends in the Mountains for a few days, so I will not be able to post again 'til we return. I was thinking of laying in the sun--but the wife tells me I am supposed to avoid too much sun. She is much better at remembering all these rules than I am.

Chemo's A Pain Cont'd

I should not have crowed about it so soon. I didn't drink enough liquids yesterday and ended up very dehydrated by evening. Temp went up and felt lousy, and ended up with an unneeded trip to the emergency room. All the fault of my just not feeling like drinking and not doing it. I promise to follow Dr. directions in the future. I spent an inordinate amount of time napping today to make up for staying up half the night.

My son and his wife just left for home yesterday afternoon after finishing some work in our utility room that I started but couldn't finish since getting sick. They put up some molding, and assembled and hung wall cabinets so all the 'stuff' sitting all over the house can be put away where it belongs. We were so happy they could visit and spend time with us, and all that work was just 'icing on the cake'.

The Lord has upheld us with His powerful right hand.

Chemo's A Pain

Well, it wasn't as bad as it could have been but it wasn't as good as it could have been either. It took about 3 hours of sitting and waiting for the poison (I know they call it medicine, but we all know it is just a very specific poison) to drip through the IV. The one that takes about 3 hours can cause some serious side effects: by the time it was done, my arm and hand where it went in was aching and tingling. It is 6 hours now and much of the pain is gone. I also have a strange reaction to cold: just putting my hand in cold water coming out of the tap makes it feel like I have pins and needles sticking in me. Trying to drink cold water causes the same reaction in my mouth. It is a shock the first time--and you don't do it again. The literature says this will wear off in 5 days or so.

On the other hand: NO NAUSEA! That was really great (at least so far). I can handle pain a lot better than nausea. An answer to prayer maybe?

Thanks to all you people for that!

We love you all,
Chuck and Penny

In His Image

When reading Matt 13:44-45 many people put themselves in the place of the man finding a treasure, and the treasure it the gospel. However, in the other similar parables that Jesus told, the one doing the finding is God and what is found is us, his lost ones. In these two verses the value of what is found is emphasized: He sold all he had to obtain it (me). He made the universe, all that is belongs to Him, things are of little value because He wishes them into existence. On the other hand, what is more valuable, more precious, what could cost Him more than the life of His Son? So we see that in the whole struggle of good and evil the 'prize' for God is the love and worship of human beings, and God gave everything He had to get it.

We are told in Genesis that we are made in His Image: like Him in so many ways. We communicate with Him and each other, we can be creative, we have emotions like His, we think and use logic, and we have power equal to His. Power equal to His? No, we cannot make things out of thin air (or thinner vacuum), nor know what others are thinking, or know the future as well as the past. But here He has given everything He has for us, for our love, and yet has granted to us the ability to resist Him! He considers love that is not freely given as not real love. The only thing He cannot just make happen by thinking about it is in our power to give or withhold. What a bold God--to trust His future to such as us. I love Him more each time I think about it.

In a few hours I am going for the first Chemo treatment. I will let you know how it goes.

Medicine

Just an update on what kind of medicine I will be taking. There are 3 chemotherapy drugs: Xeloda, a pill to be taken daily; and 2 IV induced drugs, Oxaliplatin and Epirubicin. The nurse says I've been given an aggressive schedule since I really look healthy (presumably that will never do for someone with cancer). The side effects are all the ones you hear about, hair falling out, not that that is a problem, and nausea; plus there is one drug that sometimes causes extreme reaction to cold. Please pray for me to have minimal reactions so I can get through the treatment ok.

Thanks,
Chuck

The Picture

When the surgeon showed me I could tell it was cancer with no need for any training at all. A boiling mass of red and pink cells with no structure fills almost the whole esophagus. The red and pink look angry, vile, even evil. It is out to get me.

Peter says (1Pet5:8) sin is like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. If this is a lion, it is sure an ugly and grotesque one. I am not afraid of him. Someone bigger and tougher is on my side! Whatever happens, I will be victorious because He is. I will trust Him with whatever He decides.

No new medical news, just had to get that stupid picture off my chest!

Thanks guys...

People

I am continually amazed and delighted at how nice people are. Got a call from an old friend earlier today and he wanted to know everything and especially how I am spiritually. He says I am doing great along that line, but how can I not?

Every time I turn around God reminds me how He has been preparing me for this, and going before me. We emailed a nurse friend who, it so happens works in oncology, she was praying that I get a really good oncologist--she thought one of those she works with was one of the best. Know how the nurse comes to the waiting room to call you to see the doctor? Well, the next morning when we went to the Dr. , the nurse who came out and called me was her. And the oncologist was the one she wanted me to have. And then he was very good about calling my family doctor, a good friend, and talking over the treatment with him; and the friend thought the oncologist was very good. So there you go--the oncologist was vetted by three friends in a matter of a day.

Our medical cost sharing program has already been a blessing. I called to get the packet of materials I will need to collect the bills and submit them and the people who answered were just as interested in my spiritual health as my physical. Great people.

As for medical stuff: We will be starting a course of treatment with 2 types of IVs next Tuesday. There are also some pills I have to take. I had some kind of heart test yesterday, so when we take the chemo they can check again and see that it does not hurt my heart.

Thanks again to all who have sent cards, flowers, books, etc.

Together at Last

For some time now Penny and I have prayed that we could do something more meaningful, and do it together. I go to work, she volunteers at Church, I volunteer for something else, all good stuff--but most of the time separate. We tried teaching Sunday School for 4 year olds (great experience-you should try it). That was mostly together, but I did the teaching, and she helped. We enjoyed it, but yearned and prayed for something we both could really get our arms around in a big way.

Now we have it. My diagnosis with esophageal cancer has pulled us together as nothing else could do. I am so clear on how much I need her and her utter and complete dependence on the Lord. She wants to be here for me and strengthen me as never before. We are truly one, we cleave together as one flesh just as the description in Genesis makes clear. God is doing something really big in our lives: both of us are excited to see what will come out of it.

The medical situation is this: the cancer has metastasized and some lymph nodes in my abdomen as well as possibly some of my pelvis bone show signs of the cancer. We will begin chemotherapy with 3 drugs next week to try to affect these nodes as well as the size of the original cancer on my esophagus. Surgery is not likely. The chances of the chemotherapy affecting the cancer is 40-50% so we will do some tests after the first one or two 'cycles' and see if it is working.

Prayer: that our strength in the Lord will continue, that our family will be encouraged through God's presence, and that His grace will be poured out on us, and that healing will take place as well.